School Bus

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:
“Have You Ever Loved A Woman – Derek & the Dominos” ★
01:22 ━━━━●───── 04:16
ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ♡

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We didn’t talk much over the summer. He started dating some girl that I won’t name. At the beginning of the next school year things went back to normal. We sat together in the morning, walked each other to class, and ate together at lunch. It’s probably important to mention that I cried myself to sleep most nights that summer before I continue. I don’t know if I was depressed, I was certainly sad, but depressed is an interesting word. I think depression comes with no will to live, and well, I wasn’t alive. Interacting with other people was hard since I didn’t have much to say. It’s like when you have to do icebreakers at the start of a new semester and you have no fun facts about yourself. I didn’t really know who I was when I wasn’t with him, and I didn’t want to find out.

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The mood swings picked back up on September 27, 2022. I mentioned that we sat together in the morning and walked each other to class. That day we didn’t. I sat in our usual spot and I didn’t think too much when he didn’t come, perhaps his bus was late or he was sick that day. I got up when the bell rang and started to walk towards the exit. That’s when I saw him with her. He was there, just not with me. Him, her, and that stupid laugh.

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I fucking hated him. I hated how much control he had over my mood and how much he didn’t care. But that’s what drew me towards him. I saw my other friends walking so I joined them in heading to class. We all just so happened to be walking to the same place. He came up to me to say hey and give me a hug. Something took over me. I didn’t want him to exist. He didn’t deserve to. “Get the fuck away from me” were the only words I spoke to him that day.

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I had a class with his girlfriend the next day, I apologized to him through text. Obviously I wasn’t happy that they were together, it made me even more angry that I had to be around her for an hour and a half. I spent most of those classes studying her, trying to find out what about her was so captivating that he could just push me aside and  treat me like vermin. I became friends with her friends. I started rumors, spread lies. Their relationship didn’t last long and I loved him again.