I set out to answer a question, to find the person in the mirror and not just copy the one standing in front of it. I thought writing it all out–the things I’ve never admitted to aloud–would make it easier… it didn’t. I could recount and transcribe every single conversation I’ve ever had and I still wouldn’t know the answer. Maybe a better question is whether it’s nature or nurture. Was I born this way? As a liar? A manipulator? An abuser? Someone who takes advantage of vulnerable people? Or was I that vulnerable person that was taken advantage of?
I’m not a victim. I lay my heart along with the people I have victimized in hopes of finding a better tomorrow, and in return I’ve realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I got a diagnosis, the medications, and the treatment, yet I still go down the same path. I’m not a villain. I never set out to do anything with ill intentions, my only crime is loving too hard or not at all. But here I am, today, in the same cycle.
So who am I? It’s simple, I am who I was yesterday. And today? Well… I’m whomever you want me to be. I’ll let you decide.
The Paper Trails of a Parasite 