Forrest Trees

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:
“Wuthering Heights – Kate Bush” ★
01:22 ━━━━●───── 04:16
ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ♡

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I’m not a jealous person.

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I met Ren in a geometry class my freshman year of high school, I would tell you more but that would be redundant. This was in 2021, at the peak of the whole body positivity movement which makes what I’m about to say seem a bit out of place. I remember when I was in middle school my mom called me into her bedroom and made me look in front of the mirror. She asked me what I saw… I saw a fat and ugly girl. She told me I wasn’t ugly, but yesterday she said I looked just like my “ugly-ass daddy.”

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Ren was confident. I didn’t like that. 

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Ren had a certain way of talking to strangers, as if they had been friends for years. As I write this I’m realizing that I may or may not have stolen her philosophy of a stranger is just a person who doesn’t know your name. If you haven’t figured it out by now, Ren was Carmona’s girlfriend… also Josh’s. But before that, she was my friend. We had a mutual named Moises–he’s not really important to the story–whom Ren told me she had done some things with before. I lied, Moises is kinda important. Other than Carmona he was one of the few people who made me feel welcomed when I first moved states. So, when I learned that Ren–a self-assured girl–had already had him, I was upset.

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We grew closer our sophomore year since I migrated my way into her friend group. She had cut all her hair off over the summer and now she looked like a boy, which made me feel better about myself. Not that I was jealous of her or anything to begin with. Our group facetime calls were the best; I’d tell everyone about my crush on the bus driver or my plans for world-domination once I’m president, she’d tell everyone about the guys she slept with. I wish she didn’t.

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Maybe that was my problem, not that I was jealous of her but that I only go after men I know I can’t have… the bus driver… my sixth grade math teacher, the list goes on; on the other hand, Ren went after guys at an arms reach. Which wasn’t a problem until she was reaching for the ones to close to me, not that I was jealous or anything.

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You’re probably thinking “Well, what did she do to you?” Simple, she rubbed it in my face. 

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Before I texted Carmona on November 14th Ren had texted me. She told me about how they had sex in the woods. Why would I want to know that? A couple weeks before I told our mutual friend, June, that I was conflicted because I thought I had a crush on Carmona, she told Ren. I didn’t, I just blurred the line of friendships and relationships. So I texted him while I knew he was with her, I wanted her to see that she couldn’t replace me… that what we had was different.

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Okay, I was jealous.

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