12 Missed Calls

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:
“Don’t Close Your Eyes – Kix” ★
01:22 ━━━━●───── 04:16
ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻ ♡

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I wish I could say I didn’t interfere in anymore of his relationships, but I’m not a liar… at least not here. Sometime in October he started dating one of our mutual friends. Unlike his earlier relationship, this one didn’t bother me too much. Not because he suddenly wasn’t the center of my universe, I just didn’t see her as a threat. 

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I’m not going to say her name for the sake of privacy, but I’ll tell you about how we met. Freshman year of high school we were the only ninth-graders in our geometry class so obviously we bonded. She told me a lot about herself, I wish she didn’t; I’m not a good person, I used her secrets against her later. But this is about Carmona, you’ll find out soon enough.

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I tried talking to two different guys during the beginning of their relationship so I wouldn’t fall to old habits. That proved to be pointless. On November 14, 2022 I found out what my super power was. It’s easier to show you then it is for me to tell you:

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Nov 14 2022 19:05

Carmona

I did something stupid

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what’d you do redacted? 

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Promise you won’t be mad at me

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ok

i promise

now tell me what you did

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I was sad

So I was cutting on my thigh

I think I cut an artery

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redacted

No

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I only just realized I don’t want to bleed to

death

Apply pressure right?

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yes

apply pressure

dont let any blood come out

i recommend using a towel or something

and then get to a hospital

or anywhere you can get help

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On the slight chance that I do die, I just 

want to tell you that I really appreciate

you and our friendship

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no

redacted, you’re not going to die

if u can make a makeshift torniquete do that

grab a long cloth and a pencil

wrap the cloth around ur thigh

tie the cloth around the pencil

and twist

keep turning it to apply more pressure

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I should also tell you that I’m sorry for 

being an asshole half of the time

IM GOING PALE

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redacted

get help

u need it

medical attention

i forgive u

i’ve always forgiven u

now please

survive

you’ll be alright

just find help

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But you know there isn’t really a point of me

 surviving if I’m just gonna get sad and cut again

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no u won’t

I’d rather die than suffer for the rest of my life

u won’t be suffering for the rest of 

ur life

i’ll make sure of it

and u have so much to live for 

and no matter what happens i’ll be here

for u

a lot of people will

so please

survive

redacted, are u otw to a hospital? please tell 

me you are

because this isn’t how you die

we were supposed to grow old together

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12 missed calls from Carmona

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So was I okay? Of course I was. It was all a lie, I didn’t cut myself, atleast not that night. The next day at school he didn’t leave my side. He told me he cried himself to sleep that night at the thought of losing his best friend. I knew the last time he cried was when his mom was diagnosed with cancer. Am I a bad person for smiling on the inside? And she watched. Watched as he was scared to let me out of his sight. But to answer that question, I know I’m not a good person. I know because I abused that power every time she got too close.